I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
