I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
