I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
