didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
