well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize