Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
