I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize