Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
