I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
