i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
