I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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