a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Never underestimate the power of titties
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
