So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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