david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
