this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
