I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize