i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize