it's not cheating when I paid for it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
