so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
God, I missed his penis.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
