You don't have asthma, your pregnant
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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