Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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