dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
