honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
