Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize