My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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