you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
