I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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