Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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