When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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