i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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