You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
