she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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