so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
