Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
