it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
