I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize