she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
