dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just want to make out with him forever
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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