I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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