Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
