i think i have two assholes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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