Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
