my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
