Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize