you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My life is pants optional.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
