Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
