I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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