you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
