He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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