I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
