Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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