escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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