So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize