I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
