My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I got chris browned last night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
