My hand turned me down
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
