So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
