Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
