My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You're like the curious george of whores
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
