I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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