you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
