i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
