Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
