Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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