and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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