I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
