You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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