Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
